It's a boy! An 11 1/2 year old boy!

My nephew is now living with us. He will be with us for a year. His mother is in the Army and was "mobilized" (MOBED, as she calls it, I don't know Army lingo) to a place that isn't safe for families and children, on the Texas/Mexico boarder. He will be with us until the end of the school year next summer.

I lived with my Aunt for a year when I was five and did Kindergarten while living with them, so I know what it is like to be away from you Mom and family. It's not all fun and games, I really missed my mom during that time, as I'm sure my nephew does as well. I know how important it is to make him feel welcome and like he is part of our family. One of our spare bedrooms was the kids playroom. It is now my nephew's bedroom. I moved the playroom to our finished basement and completely renovated the room to be "his" room. I knew how important it is to have your own space, your own retreat, your own place within this family. It turned out awesome and he really likes it. He said it was the first time in many years that he had his own room. He quickly unpacked and made it his own with his pictures and posters. It looks awesome...like a child's room should!

I can see some major adjustments already. He and my 6 year old daughter like to ride scooters around our neighborhood. This is not something we have let her do before without one of us with her, but I have let go a little bit and allowed them to as long as they check in every few minutes. Unfortunately, my 4 1/2 year old son doesn't get to go with them. He doesn't understand that on the road he still needs adult supervision. I try to distract him with other things, but most of the time this ends in a fit of crying on his part. We've tried to explain to him (as best as you can to a 4 1/2 year old) that because of his age and maturity level, he can't do everything that the older kids do. Also, there are things that my nephew can do that my daughter can't do either. This is an adjustment that we're dealing with, with some pretty good success.

Yesterday I had to get after my nephew and daughter for disobeying my husband and I on where they can ride their scooters. We have a road, the "loop" that starts right by our house, loops around a section of homes and then pretty much ends right by our house as well. There is no other outside access to this road other than near our house. We allow them to ride the loop as long as they check in every time they pass our house. We also allow them to ride in a new, out-of-the-way area of a new part of a housing development near us. There is only one house there, and brand new smooth roads with almost no car traffic. Unfortunately, this area has river access. We told them that they could ride there as well, BUT DO NOT GO BEYOND THE PICNIC HOUSE TOWARDS THE RIVER!

I think you can see where this is going...

Yesterday my daughter asked me if they could ride the loop and I said they could as long as they checked in. I didn't consult my nephew, I just took my daughter's word that's what they were going to do. After 10 minutes...no check in. 15 minutes...no check in...almost 25 minutes and still no check in. I kept looking for them outside during this time and didn't see or hear them. I knew where they were...down by the river. My son and I got in the car and drove down there and sure enough...scooters and helmets sitting in the picnic house but no sign of them. I tried not to panic and stayed calm until I saw them both, about a block away down a trail along the river's edge. I was pissed! I yelled for them to come pack and them yelled AT them as soon as they were in ear shot. They knew we'd told them to never go past the picnic house by the river. It's a big, strong river, that is still flooded right now due to the wet Spring we've had. I told them both to get home. I made them ride while I drove so that I would have time to cool down and think about what I was going to do rather than react on my fear and angry emotions. I also called my husband at work to verify that he too did in fact tell them not to go down where they were. We talked and they are both now grounded from their scooters for the rest of the week and I explained to them why it is so dangerous and what could have happened.

It was the first time I had to discipline my nephew, but I knew I had to do something to set a precedence, that he had to listen to us and that there would be consequences if he didn't. After calmly talking it out, I think we now have that set.

All is good again now.

“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

This is from my reading this morning. I start everyday off first thing with a daily devotion. This one today really resonates with me. Before Moyamoya this may have meant nothing to me, but now it couldn't be more appropriate.

I have heard some people who survive a serious illness call it a gift. I thought that was crazy! How could something that had the potential to kill you be a gift? I don't think the disease and the subsequent suffering from it is the gift. I think, as it has been for me, the gift is the wake up call for your life. I considered myself a Christian prior to Moyamoya, but I didn't give my life over to God, and let His will be my way. God wants us. He wants us to want Him, to love Him and to seek out His love and mercy. Sometimes, for some, it takes a real attention getter, like a serious life-altering experience. Moyamoya was that for me. Personally, my strength came from giving myself to God, putting my life literally in His hands and letting go. Strength came from reaffirming my belief that Jesus Christ is my one true Savior. I feel I was born again during that time of strife in my life. By giving myself to Him it allowed me to be strong for my family and accept that I needed help from others. I couldn't do it all by myself, I am not the super woman I thought I was. I was humbled by this enlightenment. I was also humbled my the amount of love I was shown by my friends, family and even strangers I had never met who were praying for me.

I feel that my gift is the knowledge of Moyamoya and I want to share it with whomever will listen. There HAS to be a reason that I was diagnosed and treated so quickly, when so many others suffer for many months or years. Some for a lifetime. I am trying to share my experience and knowledge with others, with the help and grace of God. I want to be there for others with Moyamoya, give them advice, an ear to bend or a shoulder to cry on. I feel this is my calling and my gift.

Wow! My worst "episode" ever!

Last night I was sitting at our kitchen table working on an email. I got up to check a date on my calender and it hit. My head tingled and I heard only a swishing sound in my ears, kind of like the sound you hear during an ultrasound. I was super dizzy and my body, from the neck down, both sides, went weak, numb and tingly. I kept thinking "ok, it's going to be done soon, just hang on and be strong...just breathe". But it only continued in intensity. It was like being in an earth quake and you keep thinking "It's has to stop soon" yet the ground continues to shake. That's exactly what I can equate this to. All I could do is carefully walk to the living room and lay down. I always remember the stroke doctor saying "Heart attach = sit them up, stroke = lay them down flat". This is to help equalize the blood pressure and get blood flowing to the brain more quickly. So I laid down. I must have laid on the floor for about 10 minutes before I could even think about getting up. Bruce and the kids were in the basement playing Super Mario Bros Wii and I wanted to yell down to them but they'd never hear me over the noise of the game, so I just laid there. I slowly sat myself up on the floor, and I was a little dizzy and disoriented, my vision was good, but I could see some grey or dark areas in my lower vision. After sitting a few more minutes I stood up. I was weak and my arms and shoulders felt slightly heavy, as did my head on my neck.

I finally asked Bruce to come upstairs and told him what happened. He did all the stroke tests and I was able to do them all, no problem. We don't know if it was a TIA or just a really bad head rush, but he is leaning towards the head rush. I laid down on the couch for a few minutes and watched a little TV downstairs. After about an hour I felt much better, almost normal.

I didn't sleep well last night at all. When something like this happens I always have fear that if I fall asleep something will happen and I won't wake up. All my Neurologists have told me not to be afraid of sleep as it's the best way for your body to repair and replenish itself. They also said if anything was going to happen it would whether I was awake or asleep. When I did fall asleep I had dreams about huge toads and salamanders being all over my house (we saw them at the zoo that day) and dreams of being in our motor home and I wake up thinking we are in the motor home until I finally realize I am at home. I always make extra checks on the kids when I am awake at night and say many extra prayers for us all.

This morning I am tired and I have a headache. I've actually had a headache since last Thursday, on and off. I'm guessing it's this cruddy, rainy weather we're having now affecting my sinuses and allergies. Hopefully the weather will improve soon. I don't like all this rain, but it sure beats snow!

The power of prayer!

Two weeks ago my family became official members of our church. It is a great church and all the people are so nice and friendly...it instantly felt like home!

We had a meeting prior to the Reaffirmation of Baptism on New Member Sunday. We discussed the church, what it means to be Lutheran, and a little about ourselves. After my turn our Pastor said "I don't know why I didn't make this connection before but it just clicked right now...WE PRAYED FOR YOU! You were on our prayer list/chain while you were going through all that."

How amazing! This church we just joined felt so comfortable and like home, even before I knew that they loved me and prayed for me, before even meeting me. What an amazing feeling that was!

"Where our strength ends is the exact point where His will begin."

At no time was this more obvious to me then when I had my brain surgeries for Moyamoya.

Many have asked me how I could have been so strong and brave, how I could not once, but twice, undergo my surgeries, without even batting an eyelash or showing any fear. I was scared, VERY, but I had given myself, and the outcome, to God. What's the saying?...Let go and let God. Amen. Absolutely! And I absolutely felt that I was in His hands, protected and safe in His loving arms. This is true peace.

If I was perceived by others to be strong or brave during this time, it was only because I was giving them a reflection of His love and strength. What an amazing gift! Thanks be to God!